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DREAMS OR NIGHTMARES

Article of the website marlene adlit, created on: 1/31/2011 1:31:07 PM

By: MARLENE ADLIT | Published: 31/01/2011 13:54 | | | Content:8

(This article was written by Mario Palaganas Jr. He was known for friends as inconvincible and a hard-core bad boy. He leads an easy going life until realizations struck him. He was among my co teachers in the camp. No one dares believe him that hes capable in writing such kind of melodramatic genre. This is his very first time to write a journal, so be the judge)

 

            Two months before the English Winter Camp I was at a total lost. I didnt know which way to take. I didnt know what to do. It felt like I was lost in the dark without a single light. It was a feeling like you were trap in a pitch black. The scary part was not the situation. The big problem was ME. It was me because I didnt put an effort of finding my way out. I didnt try to look even for a small bright light. I wasnt sure if I was only waiting for someone to saved me from the dark and gave me light or I was just waiting for my self destruction and be blinded for the rest of my life.

            I must admit that even before, I didnt think or plan for my future. I just lived my life as if there is no tomorrow. For me, life is so short. Always be happy. Savor the moments. And enjoy life. I did things that can make me happy. I drank hard until I dropped. I gambled until my last cent. I quit from my previous jobs just to have quality time with my close friends and love ones.

            Am I bad? Am I lazy? Am I crazy or Im just simply stupid? If youll ask me, my answer is the hell I care. What kind of person do you think I am? Am I optimistic? Or at times I am a pessimist? 

            Maybe you are thinking that Im a bit optimistic because Ive done those things without worrying about the outcome. Yes! I was a positive thinker. Ive always believed that everything will be alright for as long as I have faith in my self. The truth is I didnt take life seriously. I thought I was strong. I thought I was tough. I treated life like a dream, where I can be the protagonist, the main character that can perform the best part. I can do whatever I want. No one can hurt me. I can easily overcome all adversities inside my dream. I was so busy living my life like a dream and suddenly something hit me. I was shocked. I cant move. I cant breathe. All I wanted to do at that time was to wake up. I wanted to get out of that dream as fast as I can. As soon as I woke up, I immediately asked myself. What was that? What happened? There is only one answer to my questions. It is a nightmare.

            You see, life is like a dream. It is not always a happy ending. Sometimes its sad, and at times it becomes scary. They said that you need to have a dream to become successful in life. You need dreams to achieve your goals and be happy in life. But what if you are now living in your dream and suddenly it transforms into a nightmare? Will you survive? Will you fight for your dreams or let your nightmares eat you?

            Maybe you are wondering why I changed, from a positive easy going guy to a non believer person. Maybe you are thinking why I wrote this. What is my purpose? If you know me, if we are friends, you wont definitely believe that I am the one writing this. Me either, I cant imagine that I am capable of doing this thing. I call it a thing because honestly, I dont have any idea of what I did.

            I read this thing to my students in the camp while we were studying. After reading it, one of my students asked me: Teacher, is that a poem? All I can say was, I dont know! I really dont know. I just wrote what I felt and what was on my mind. I got different reactions and comments from my co teachers in the camp when they read my thing. Some of them cant believe that I wrote this because they see me as a joker who doesnt know how to be serious. At first I was quite hesitant to show this thing to anyone because I thought they would make fun of me.

I dont want to show my soft side. I dont want them to know that somehow Im a bit emotional. I always wanted to set an impression that this face with beard and scary eyes is as tough as nails, hard as rocks. And like water that can flow anywhere. I am a warrior of my own battle. I must not show any weaknesses; otherwise I will be torn into pieces. I must not show mercy so that my enemy will respect me. I have to wear my invincible armor so that no one can hurt me. I have to make barriers so that they cant push me. Thats what I am! Thats what I do.

Stop wondering why I came to a point in doing this thing even though it has to reveal my Achilles heel. It is a simple confession and declaration that I have already been defeated. I thought I was untouchable, I was immortal. But I just thought. No matter how hard I tried to become elusive, I still couldnt escape defeat. Someone and something broke all my defenses that made me kneel and beg not to annihilate me. This is what I am.

These were the things I felt before I joined in the English Winter Camp. And I started writing this thing four days before the camp ended. It all started when all the students were asked to make their own speech for the contest. While helping them with their speeches, a question crossed my mind. What if I was asked to write my own speech? What would it be? I cant think of anything. Then suddenly I remembered someone ----- the one who keeps on running inside my head, the very reason why I joined the camp. I didnt notice that I was holding a pen and paper and started writing some words that are not familiar to me. It felt strange because Ive never done this before. During the time that my ballpoint was doing its job writing all the words coming from my heart, I keep on asking myself. What am I doing? Do I have to do this? They will probably laugh at me. I was about to get rid of what I was doing when I heard a whisper in the thin air asking: what are you afraid of? Do you know what I am afraid of? Yes! I am afraid of something. I am afraid of rejection. The mere thought of being rejected makes me feel breathless. Having that thought in mind, I realize that there is nothing to be afraid of. Why should I be afraid? Ive been rejected once; I have nothing more to lose.

Once again I found my shield and sword, my I dont care attitude! As Ive said life is like a dream. All of us had and will have nightmares. It is inevitable. Its up to us if we let our nightmares destroy our dreams. In my case, Im still in the process of facing my nightmares. I dont know how long will it take but Im sure I will definitely wake up and start dreaming again.

 

 

Comments
_Rose_
_Rose_
Nice one Mario!!! I mean JR.. hahaha!! Is that you?
_i_am_lal_
_i_am_lal_
hey...to all JR fanatics, it's your time to break the heat, hahaha...JR panalo to...ganon ba kasakit?
_sherwin_
_sherwin_
..........hiyang hiya ako sa pagkakasulat mu.hahaha..grave!!!d best...seryoso ang galing muh..=)
__dolly -_-_
__dolly -_-_
tae! is that the real JR??? goodieness! impressive!
sbe nga ni matt, AMAZING!!! OOZING!!! :))

gnian ba talaga iun epekto nia...?? my... my...
hanapin mo nalng kase ako sa puso mo deary,,, :P
_jerome_
_jerome_
haha nice one jr! i can't believe ikaw nagsulat niyan! lupet! moooore!!
_marj_
_marj_

Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I'll miss you, until we meet again!  ~Author Unknown

 

 

There are times in your life when you have to say goodbye to your closest and dear ones. Whether it is willingly or unwillingly, saying goodbye is one of the most difficult things in life. Parting is never really easy. But like what Dr. Seuss said, Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened

It was a simple journey to the airport together with the kids. We were singing while we were in the bus. It was a happy ride. I was thinking that we were just on a field trip. Were on our way to an amusement park.

But reality bites. We were on our way to the airdrome. The trip ripped my heart out. Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say goodbye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos

But things come to its end and its time for our last farewell. Even though I shed a river of tears, I know I cant stop them. We have to part ways and move on. Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye? However, I cannot say goodbye to those whom I have grown to love, for the memories we have made will last a lifetime and never know a goodbye. Those are good memories to be reminisced everytime and be kept in my heart everlastingly. A memory lasts forever never let it dies. True friends stay together and never say goodbye.

This isnt goodbye, but rather until we meet again. Hasta la proxima vez. Tashiman nayo. Hanggang sa muling pagkikita.

 

_mae blanco_
_mae blanco_
ikaw nga ba iyan??weh di yata??hehehe,,nice one,,pang best teacher ng summer camp korea 2011,,
Querly Ylanan
Querly Ylanan
Yup! i agree !Just be yourself !Life is too short to be somebody else!
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